Mohammed Shami stood on 19th floor balcony as he contemplated suicide

Mohammed Shami has enjoyed the highest of highs in Indian cricket. He was part of a dominating Indian team that won the Test series in Australia and pushed England and South Africa on their home soil.

He was India’s leading wicket-taker in the last three editions of the ODI World Cup, became the fastest Indian to complete 100 ODI wickets and has the most number of consecutive four-wicket-hauls – three – in the format.

Shami has also endured certain lows, both on and off the field. His repeated unwanted trysts with injuries, the personal turmoil involving his ex-wife, being away from his daughter and the most distressing of the lot – when he was slapped with match-fixing allegations by his estranged wife Hasin Jahan, among many other claims. Jahan lodged a police complaint against Shami for domestic violence as well, which led to the BCCI upholding his central contract for some time. The phase was easily the darkest of Shami’s career that forced him to contemplate ending his life. Shami has previously spoken about considering suicide as an option to end his misery, but never in as much depth as his friend Umesh Kumar.

“Shami was fighting with everything during that phase. He lived with me in my house. But when the fixing allegations with Pakistan broke, and led to a probe that night, he was shattered. He said that I can tolerate everything but not allegations of betraying my country,” Umesh said on Shubhankar Mishra’s podcast ‘Unplugged’.

“It also came in the news that he wanted to do something drastic that night [end his life]. It was around 4 AM in the morning when I got up to drink water. I was on my way to the kitchen when I saw that he was standing on the balcony. It was the 19th floor we were living in. I understood what happened. That night of Shami’s career, I feel, was the longest. Later, one day, when we were talking, he got a message on his phone saying he got a clean chit from the committee that was investigating the matter. He was probably happier that day than he would have been if he had won a World Cup,” he added.

Shami on dealing with setbacks

Shami, who was present on the panel as well, explained what kept him fighting against the allegations and not giving up on his life and career.

“It depends on what you prioritise more and then on the other person on how true his/her statements are. So when you know that the other person’s actions are invalid and not important to you, you should not leave your priorities. If I had not been the Mohammed Shami, I am today, no one would have cared about my situation, and neither would the media be interested in it. Then why should I leave the thing that made me Shami. So you have to keep fighting,” he said.

Shami is currently recovering from an ankle injury he suffered during the ODI World Cup last year. He is expected to make a comeback in the home Test series against Bangladesh or New Zealand later this year.