How Couples with Major Age Gaps Make It Work

The cliche “age is just a number” could not be more inaccurate. Society actually holds a negative stigma when it comes to age gaps within intimate relationships.

This negativity leads people to avoid dating someone born in a different generation and perpetuates a negative view of those who do.

On average, most couples are born within three years of each other. This is likely because many people meet in school, through friends, or through dating apps. Dating apps seem to be one of the most common ways to meet someone today. The culture and branding of these dating apps, as well as their internal algorithms, appear to attract people in a similar age range.

Typically, in the United States, it is more common to see an older man with a younger woman. I’m sure there are multiple reasons for this trend. It may stem back from our evolutionary period and be situated around reproduction or finances, or it is just love’s magic. Whatever the reason, a relationship is defined by the people in it. The people within the relationship create the dynamic and determine how the relationship functions.

As a sex therapist and someone who is in a marriage with a partner who is 18 years my senior, I want to professionally and personally state that age is not just a number. We don’t always fall in love with someone of the same age. And if you do fall in love with someone with a large age difference, do not ignore or diminish the impact of age!

Every relationship has challenges, but dating someone of a different generation brings its own complications. Our age is a generalized representation of what we have experienced and learned in life, our maturity level, and how many mistakes we have made along the way (because we all make them).

A founding step in any relationship is acknowledging the differences. People are often scared to highlight where their relationship challenges are, or where they have a different mindset than their partner. It’s okay to have differences. What creates a successful relationship is respect, friendship, love, and pleasurable sexy time.

Lifestyle Challenges

It’s time to highlight some of the challenges people experience when dating someone born in a different generation. First to be considered: lifestyle. Your lifestyle is based on your interests, energy level, and the people you surround yourself with. When dating someone of a different age, you may find your desired lifestyle tends to differ. Highlights of this difference can be found in music, movies, or cultural references. You may not always be interested in the same music or understand one another’s references. The key here is respect and communication so you can create a balance for both.

Sex Life

The second major challenge can be your sex life. Do not be confused here and assume the older partner wants less sex. Age does not directly imply a decreased libido. Mixed libidos are a challenge in every long-term relationship. Adding in an age gap may enhance challenges with sex drives, type of sex, hormone levels, and sexual challenges. Keep in mind that men typically reach their sexual prime in their 20s due to a spike in their testosterone levels. Women typically reach their sexual prime in their 30s and 40s.

Patience for One Another

Lastly, a relationship with an age difference will not last without respecting the founding principle of patience. Dating someone who is in a different life phase means you may be seeing things for the first time, while your partner has been there before. Have patience with one another. Respect that while you may have done something in the past, your partner may be having this wonderful experience for the first time. Embrace this.

Likewise, understand how to make your experience unique, even if it is not the first instance. This may not be the first time you have experienced a life event like the birth of a child or the purchase of a new home, but it is the first time you have done it together. Don’t be disjointed if your partner has been here before, and likewise don’t be dismissive if this is your partner’s first time. Be a partner by showing patience, love, and excitement for all the things you do together.

A relationship of differing ages can be in every way as rewarding as a relationship with someone your own age. This type of relationship may have its own unique set of challenges, but then again, every relationship does. Love won’t discriminate when it comes to age.