6 Common Sex Fears Women Need To Deal

If you are a fan of the British Emmy Award-winning TV show, Fleabag, you would surely love the way the chief protagonist, played by actor Phoebe Waller-Bridge, enjoys her sexuality.

While such shows highlight the importance of women’s wants and desires between the sheets, the reality is that some women can also experience crippling fears that stop them from engaging in sexual activities altogether.

Take, for example, a condition called genophobia or coitophobia. “This is the fear of sexual intercourse, and in some cases, people experiencing this condition may be afraid of all kinds of sexual acts. Genophobia is most likely to develop after traumatic sexual experiences,” says Dr. Anuneet Sabharwal, a Mumbai-based psychiatrist.

Here’s a snapshot of the most common fears, according to experts.

‘What If I Fail To Orgasm?’

Several studies conducted globally have shown that the ‘orgasm gap’ isn’t a myth—there can be a lot of factors inhibiting orgasms for women. An orgasm gap is simply a disparity between men and women when it comes to achieving orgasms. A 2013 study, titled, ‘The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties’, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, says that around 75-90 percent of women do not “consistently orgasm” during sex with a partner, while around five to 10 percent of women do not orgasm at all.

The researchers added that psychological factors such as introversion, emotional instability, and not being adventurous could be contributing to a fear of failing to orgasm. “Undue stress or anxiety can further widen the orgasm gap between partners. This can be minimised with a deeper interpersonal relationship, and by getting rid of tension or anxiety,” says Dr Vijay Kulkarni, consultant andrologist, SL Raheja Hospital, Mumbai. He also suggests plenty of “uninhibited foreplay”, which can help partners explore each other’s undiscovered erogenous zones.

‘Will I Be Able To Please Him?’

Performance anxiety is an issue that not only troubles men but can also worry women. Psychological factors play a significant role in fuelling this anxiety. “Many women, particularly those who have genophobia or coitophobia, fear that they will be unable to please their partners,” says Dr. Sabharwal. He adds that in some cases, this fear of sexually disappointing one’s partner can turn out to be a debilitating condition.

In that case, seeking a counselor’s intervention becomes imperative. “Make an appointment with a sexologist, psychological counselor, or a therapist, who has experience in treating sexual problems. Therapy can help you understand and address these issues that are causing performance anxiety,” advises Dr. Sabharwal.

‘I’m Afraid Of The Pain’

Sometimes women can experience intense pain during intercourse. This can be attributed to a health condition called vaginismus, where the vaginal muscles contract involuntarily or when there is a spasm in the pelvic floor muscles. Experts say women who suffer pain during intercourse can feel isolated and unable to enjoy the pleasures of sex.

“This condition entails an inability to have penetrative vaginal sex, an inability to undergo vaginal examinations and an inability to insert a tampon or a menstrual cup. Most often, vaginismus is detected during the sexual debut, and occasionally, it can occur even if a patient has had penetrative sex before,” says Dr. Sowmya Lakshmi TV, consultant, obstetrics and gynecology, Aster CMI Hospital, Bangalore. “This does not interfere with arousal mechanisms or enjoyment of other forms of non-penetrative intimacy; it’s just that the fear of penetration and vaginismus feed off each other. There is no obvious explanation for vaginismus, but causes include a fear that one’s vagina is too small, a bad first sexual experience, a belief that sex is shameful and a painful medical condition like thrush which is a fungal infection causing a whitish discharge,” she says.

‘Will He Judge Me?’

Experts say that the fear of being judged is quite common. “Indian women have been taught to believe that they must play a subordinate role and keep themselves subjugated to the master’s will. The fear of being judged is what typically holds a woman back from expressing her desires,” says Padmini Dutta Sharma, an Indian author who writes on marriage, relationships and female sexuality. Susmita Sinha*, 36, finds broaching the topic of sexual dissatisfaction with her husband extremely difficult. The Kolkata homemaker has no clue how to deal with her predicament—her husband isn’t quite adventurous in bed. Still, she would love to experiment with various sexual techniques she reads about in books and magazines. She is afraid that her husband might think that she is “fixated on sex”.

‘He Won’t Like My Body’

Rina Paul*, 25, a Noida-based techie, is in love with a man she met at a party. They have been dating for a few months now. There have been moments of near-intimacy, but Paul has resisted going all the way. “He is affectionate and waiting for me to warm up to the idea of sex. But I am not comfortable being naked in front of him. What if he doesn’t like my body? I am not confident if I would come across as physically attractive to anyone,” says Paul.

According to Dr. Sabharwal, body image issues can be a genuine factor contributing to the development of genophobia or coitophobia and is one of the most significant impediments to enjoying sex.

‘Masturbation Is Disgusting’

The very word can make some women squirm. Experts say this is because women have often been brought up with the belief that self-pleasure is a repelling concept. The word can often be associated with feelings of shame and guilt. Experts say some women could be oblivious to the fact that masturbation can help them become more physically intimate with their partners.

Says Dr. Maitri Chand, a Delhi-based family therapist and former couples and sex therapy and sexual dysfunction professor at Mercer University Medical School, USA, “This goes back to the idea that women do not know about their bodies or their sexual desires, and it needs to be inculcated in them through somebody else.” She stresses that masturbation is essential because only a woman can know what’s best for her body, and what pleases her the most leading to a fulfilling sex life.