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Over the years, researchers have tried to demystify women’s orgasms. One of the inferences from a plethora of studies conducted across the world is that no single, fail-safe factor can guarantee deeply erotic orgasms. 
Over the years, researchers have tried to demystify women’s orgasms. One of the inferences from a plethora of studies conducted across the world is that no single, fail-safe factor can guarantee deeply erotic orgasms. 
Instead, a 2017 study says there are a host of factors that help women attain the Big ‘O’; these include frequent oral sex sessions, sex marathons, a fulfilling relationship, compliments from one’s partner, clear communication from both partners regarding their sexual desires and fantasies, and stimulating conversations before and during sex.
 
Then there are socio-cultural, psychological, and physiological factors to consider. So, how do we essentially deconstruct the female orgasm?
 
Spoiler alert!
 
First, we need to know what can possibly stop us from having orgasms. Research shows that several factors can be inhibiting in nature. A 2013 study, The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, says that around 75-90 per cent of women do not “consistently orgasm” during sex with a partner, while around 5-10 per cent do not orgasm at all.
 
A lack of an open communication about one’s desires and fears seems to be a common obstacle. In a 2017 study, Women’s Orgasm Obstacles: A Qualitative Study, researchers say, “...inability to talk about sexual activities with a spouse can be observed in women with orgasm problems.” The researchers further say that psychological factors such as introversion, emotional instability, not being adventurous, and sexual myths can be veritable hindrances too.
 
Heart-to-heart
 
Sexologists say that open communication between partners is the best way to resolve issues or overcome hurdles. Experts say the key to helping women shed inhibitions about sex is communication. It’s a simple four-letter word — talk. Engage your partner in conversations about sexual likes and dislikes. It also ensures a catharsis of sorts, since with frank discussions, many hurdles can be crossed.  
 
 
Banish taboos
 
In the study The Faking Orgasm Scale for Women: Psychometric Properties, researchers say that sexual myths or preconceived notions about sexual activities can have an impact too. For instance, Dr Kothari says a lot of men across India still feel that if women initiate sex, they might be more ‘experienced’ from other encounters before them, which is not looked upon well. Women, too, often fall for the age-old belief that initiating sex is un-feminine. “Needless to say, these are preconceived notions,” says Dr Kothari. So, banish such outdated ideas; don't be afraid of initiating sex and being in control of your pleasure.
 
Masturbate more
 
Believe it or not, masturbation can have a wholesome and long-lasting effect on your sex life. Experts say that masturbation can help women gain confidence about their bodies. It’s time women stop considering it a taboo. “Female masturbation seems to be more hushed up than male masturbation. This again goes back to the idea that women do not know anything about their bodies, and sexual desires need to be inculcated in women through somebody else,” says Dr Maitri Chand, a Delhi-based family therapist and former couples and sexual therapy and sexual dysfunction professor at Mercer University Medical School, USA. She stresses that masturbation is essential for women because they know what pleases them the most. And that self-knowledge can lead to satisfying orgasms.
 
Touchy-feely
 
Focussing on the pivotal role played by the clitoris, a recent study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, titled Women’s Sexual Experience with Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm: Results from a U.S. Probability Sample of Women Ages 18 to 94, tried to assess how heterosexual women liked their genitals to be touched and how it can help them achieve an orgasm. Essentially, the team of researchers wanted to find out precisely what types of genital touch made straight women climax. They looked at the points where the women polled liked to be touched, preferred intensity of pressure, style of motion (up-and-down or circular) and so on.
 
Interestingly, it was seen that most of the women (81.7 per cent) enjoyed “rhythmic” touching. Other popular patterns included a circular rubbing of clitoris (78.3 per cent), a varying intensity of pressure (75.8 per cent) and any kind of touch that delays pleasure (73.6 per cent). Sexologists say that touch is, of course, the language of lovemaking. “The clitoris or the ‘love button’ is the female version of the head of penis. It is the site of the greatest nerve concentration and sexual pleasure,” says Dr Sanjay Kumawat, consultant psychiatrist and sexologist, Fortis Hospital, Mumbai.
 
“In some women, the clitoris becomes noticeably erect when excited and peeks out from under the clitoral hood formed by the joining of the inner vaginal lips. The clitoral hood is women’s version of ‘foreskin’; rubbing or caressing it gives rise to immense erotic pleasure as the area is highly vascular and increased lubrication causes secretions.” Dr Kumawat says that the clit should be treated to predominantly gentle strokes; it shouldn’t be pinched or bitten or poked as that can cause hurt. He further advises, “A close but slightly oblique stimulation can be ensured by fingers, tongue, or vibrator on either side and on the clitoral hood.”
 
Practise edging
 
It’s kind of a mini edge-of-the-seat thriller, with a delayed climax, during lovemaking! To put it simply, edging is all about controlling your orgasm. Try to reach a climactic point, bring yourself back from that brink, and start all over again. Repeat this till you cannot hold it anymore and you have to absolutely orgasm, no matter what! Shares Anita Rai*, 38, a Delhi-based homemaker, “Trust me, this ensures bigger, better orgasms. Sometimes my husband and I practise this together. For instance, we masturbate in each other’s presence, and we do not allow each other to climax. It’s fun.” If you haven’t tried it yet, start with controlling orgasms while you masturbate alone. That way, you can be familiar with how you orgasm and how far you can go when you control it. So, what are you waiting for? Go, get busy!
 
Know the types
 
It was Sigmund Freud who put forth the idea of two types of women’s orgasms—clitoral and vaginal. Well, that was the 20th century. Science and society have progressed, and researchers have come up with plenty of theories and counter-theories regarding the types of orgasms. Researchers maintain that there are several, not just two. We list the popular ones:
 
Blended: When you get all types of orgasms, including clitoral and vaginal, blended together.
 
Multiples: This seems to be the most coveted form of orgasm. It occurs when a woman experiences waves of orgasms, one after another.
 
Fantasy orgasms: No prize for guessing, these are orgasms you experience by fantasising or mental stimulation alone.
 
G-spot orgasms: These orgasms are experienced when the erogeneous area of the vagina is stimulated.
 
Orgasms are great for you!
 
In her book, Sex: A Natural History, Joann Ellison Rodgers describes how the process of ‘tenting’ or opening of the cervix (when a woman orgasms) helps to flush out unfriendly organisms from the vagina. Studies have also reported that regular orgasms can make women live up to eight years longer than those who don’t experience it regularly. Research has also found that women who orgasm more often have a lower chance of developing heart disease than those who don’t.